29 July 2005

Three long years.

It's been nearly three years. That's scary as shit. To read this really does freak me out. These emotions that I had are embarassing and just sort of sickening. But they're part of who I was and who I still am. I'm at a new crossroads. I have new hopes, new loves, new passions. But now I'm confused and sort of lost.

I left Austin College. I spent a year there. I left home and thought I was independent and cool and wild. But what I learned was that I was stupid and reckless. And despite my rash, stupid behavior there, I kept an impressive GPA and was admitted to the University of Texas. I start there in a little more than a month. I don't know quite what to expect. I'm scared. This is all so weird. I'm getting a "student apartment" as opposed to a dorm. It's scary.

Music is the center of my life still. It's good to know that that's still such a large part of who I am. It's funny. Since I left this journal I've gone through so many phases. Upon this journal's abandonment, I was on the brink of the most significant musical discover of my life thus far: Dashboard Confessional. From there, the floodgates opened for every new obsession. I went from the radio rock of the Goo Goo Dolls and Matchbox 20 to the mall punk of Good Charlotte and Simple Plan and the pop emo of Dashboard Confessional and Taking Back Sunday. These bands had an edge that was unlike anything I had ever heard. Soon I discovered somewhat smaller bands such as The Starting Line and Something Corporate. However, the development of my taste away from pop punk to more mature indie-based emo was inevitable. Soon I traded in my signed Starting Line shirt for my limited edition Get Up Kids shirt and floppy haircut. Bands like Braid, Thursday and Bright Eyes soon dominated my life. Those, of course, lead to dancey-keyboard-pop and mopey singer-songwriter land. I like to think that's where I am now. Elliott Smith is my guiding light and Tim Kasher is the passion that drives me.

There have been many boys since I left this journal. Only a few significant, but many run-ins with others have occurred. It's been an interesting couple of years on that front.

So here I am. Confused again. And in dire need of something. I don't know what, but it might be here. I'm trying so hard to find it.

before & after